


Dreams vs Reality

by FayeValentine00



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2383235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeValentine00/pseuds/FayeValentine00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rukias POV - The war with the Wandenreich ended a while ago now and Ichigo is preparing to return home. This story is about how Rukia and Ichigo deal with the parting despite leaving while things are unsettled between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          The war with the Wandenreich ended a while ago now. Here in Soul Society we’ve already mourned for our dead, tended to our injured and worked on rebuilding our homes and our lives. Things were becoming routine again and the spirits of the Gotei 13 were nearly back to normal.

That aside, I’d been dreading this day for a while but now it was here.

          It was sunrise in Seireitei but I’d already been awake for hours. I was sitting on the edge of the porch outside of my bedroom, legs dangling well above the ground as the first rays of lights licked at my skin. It was cool enough outside that I could see my breath so I found myself pulling my robe just a little tighter around my shoulders.

          This was the only time today that I was going to allow myself to wallow in self-pity. Once the world started to wake up I’d have to put on my game face. I’d convinced myself that I was not going to let anyone see the sadness in my heart. I especially planned to hide it from the people who knew me best. Ichigo, Renji and Byakuya-Nii-Sama.

          Yesterday, when the Captain Commander announced that Ichigo had been given the all clear to return home, my mind had gone blank. I’d forcibly shoved any thoughts of shock, doubt and sadness from my mind and had forced myself to smile supportively to the man in question. Returning to his family was desperately important to him and I had to show him my full support. All the while I could feel the eyes of the other Gotei 13 members in the room glancing over at me with concern whenever they had the chance.

          Pulling my legs up on the deck, I wrapped my arms around my shins in a self-hug. Burying my face into my knees, I let my thoughts run freely. The truth is that I didn’t want to let Ichigo leave. I didn’t want him to be so far out of reach. I knew that I was being childish and selfish and foolish but I just couldn’t help it.

I also knew that this wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be. We were best friends. Maybe more than that… Who even knows anymore? Either way it boiled down to this. Ask anyone who knew us including Ichigo himself and they would tell you that, one way or another, we are definitely connected by the red string of fate.

          However, despite knowing all of those things, all I wanted was to keep Ichigo close by. I wanted to be able to see him every day. I wanted us to be able to tease each other, laugh together, talk, fight, make up, and defend each other. Every day I just wanted the chance to make another memory with him.

          Was I in love? I don’t even know. All I knew was that I’d never truly lived until Ichigo Kurosaki entered my life and for that I owe him everything. Who’d have known that this orange haired brat would make such an impact on, not only my life, but the whole of Soul Society as well. Sighing, I shoved my face harder into my knees and lost the battle against my tears.

          It was a little while later when my thoughts were suddenly disturbed and my whole body froze. Ichigo was here. His voice was so quiet that I would have missed it if I hadn’t known it so well. “Rukia.”

          Why was he here now?! I’d been so determined not to let him see me like this! I’d been so sure that I could manage to send him off with a smile but now it was all for nothing. Knowing Ichigo, that was probably exactly why he’d come this morning. He knew me better than anyone. In retrospect, my resolution was probably painfully obvious to him. Now I was forced to wipe away some very obvious tears before I could lift my head.

          “Good Morning, Ichigo,” I managed but my voice was hoarse. Our eyes met and only then did I realize that I’d been so lost in my own thoughts that he’d been able to walk right up to the deck where he stood before me. I didn’t bother trying to force a smile. “You’re up early.”

          “You too,” he retorted with a semi-smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He was wearing his Shinigami garb, his orange hair looking a little messier than usual in the early morning light.

          “If Nii-Sama catches you sneaking in, he’s libel to attack.” This time we both grinned sincerely.

          “Naw,” he countered carelessly. “I’m pretty sure I’ve earned a couple of Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free cards in the last few years, right?”

          “That’s probably true,” I conceded.

          Our eyes met again just then and all smiles faded. We both knew what was happening. There were so many things left unsaid. There were so many emotions left unexplored, unexplained, unknown… Yet it was too late for all that now, wasn’t it? Ichigo and I came from two different worlds in the most literal sense. He had his own life, his own family and friends long before I’d come along. It would be totally unfair of me to ask him to throw those things aside for me and I never would.

          The silence between us went on for what felt like an eternity with nothing to break the stalemate other than the sounds of our soft breathing. Finally it was Ichigo who finally broke the silence with a dramatic sigh, dropping down onto the porch beside me. He was so close that our shoulders were touching. “You really are difficult sometimes, aren’t you?”

           “Probably.” It was the only word that I could mutter. I knew what he meant. He was as much as admitting that he knew that I’d planned to send him off with a false smile. Although in battle this was something that we both accepted and were guilty of, somehow doing so this day felt a lot more like lying to him.

          I turned my gaze out over the yard and tried to focus my attention elsewhere. Right then I was very aware of Ichigo as a man. This most current battle with the Wandenreich had brought out a maturity in Ichigo that I’d never seen. He’d not only become stronger and more like a true Shinigami but he’d also obtained a strong aura of balance that drew me to him even more.

          “What should I do?”

          I was pulled from my thought by his sudden question. His words were spoken so softly, so sincerely that I was taken aback and looked over at him once more. His eyes were focused where I’d been looking just a few moments before and they seemed a million miles away.

          I felt myself panic for a moment. This was my chance to say anything I wanted. I could easily just ask him to stay. Or, just as easily, ask him to take me with him but no. That was not an option. Suddenly feeling a little defensive I spoke firmly. “What do you mean, ‘What should I do?’ … You should go home and hug your sisters. You should fight with Isshin, visit your friends, finish high school, go to college, make a life for yourself and live happily ever after.” I paused for a moment and then mock regretfully added. “Okay… and maybe you should make the time to fight a hollow or two once in a while as well.”

          I saw a true smile light up his face at that last part and he turned to meet my eyes but before he could say anything I continued, the words pouring out of my mouth. “Ichigo, you’ve saved my life more times than I can count. You’ve saved Soul Society from Aizen and you’ve saved it again from the Wandenreich. You’ve helped us restore peace and balance. If anyone deserves a happily ever after than it is you.”

          The serious tone in my voice surprised even me and, never one comfortable with praise, Ichigo looked away again with a smiled that was decidedly half-hearted. Reaching out, he wrapped his arm tight around my shoulder. “Thank you, Rukia.”

          There was another long silence as we sat in that half-hug, enjoying the morning air with my head on his shoulder. Moments like these were too rare to rush but, after a while, I broke the silence. “Will you make me one promise?”

          His gaze never left the yard but I knew I had his full attention when he replied. “What is that?”

          “Please promise… Please promise me that his isn’t goodbye.”

          Ichigo hugged me a little tighter and chuckled. “Don’t be stupid. Of course this isn’t goodbye. At the very least you are still my best friend, right?”

          “Hmm.” I murmured my agreement, fresh tears beginning to fill my eyes.

          “If you know that then how could you even ask? Idiot.”

          All around us, we could hear the world beginning to wake up. People were starting to move around inside the mansion and outside of the gates . I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little disappointed that this moment was coming to an end.

          Only when one of Nii-sama’s attendants walked down the porch where we sat, giving us a sideways glance, did Ichigo finally drop his arm and turn to face me. “You know, my dad and sisters will never forgive you if you don’t visit. Dad will be lost if he doesn’t get to see his third daughter.”

          Although I snorted at that with a playful roll of my eyes, I could see right through him. It was obvious that those were not the words he’d intended to say. Or at least they were not the words that were weighing heaviest on his mind but I also knew that he was going through the same internal battle as me.

          Knowing there was nowhere else for this conversation to go without causing more pain, I smiled and nodded. “Of course.” My voice sounded oddly tense as I continued. “The same goes for you. You’re the hero of Soul Society. Everyone will miss you.”

          His laugh was humorless. “Somehow I doubt that. Nearly every time I come here something terrible occurs.”

          I countered his humorless laugh with one of my own. “Idiot!” I was trying desperately to overcome the tears that’d begun to well up. “You know how important you are to everyone. … Besides, even if that was true, I would miss you.”

          Just then the wind picked up and a chill ran through my body. Ichigo saw and reached out pulling my robe tighter and meeting my eyes seriously. “At least that is something that I can believe.”

          Instantly the urge to cry was overwhelming and with tears trickling down my cheeks I dropped my gaze. “I should really go get dressed.” Rising to my feet I muttered, “Thank you for coming to check on me.”

          Why did my traitorous voice sound so ridiculously formal?!

          “Are you coming to see us off today?” Ichigo asked quickly before I fled, his voice heavy.

          “Yes. I-“ My voice cracked. Dammit! “I will definitely be there.”

          With those words, I fled to my room. I closed the door just in time to muffle the sob that escaped my throat. I was being such a little girl about this. In reality, Ichigo and I had said our goodbyes in much more permanent way a couple of years ago when he’d lost his Shinigami powers all together but now time and circumstances had made it so much harder.

          I knew it was time to face the truth.

          The crush I’d once had for Ichigo Kurosaki was long gone.

          Despite all logic and all of my best efforts…

          I was desperately in love with that man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Be Continued


	2. Chapter 2

Dammit!

Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

Ignoring the tears rolling freely down my cheeks, I crossed the room quickly while mentally scolding myself. Scooping up my Zanpakuto from its home on my wall, I held it tightly to my chest and allowed myself to crumble to the floor. I’d hoped holding the sword that’d always filled me with such a sense of peace would help the inner turmoil but I was wrong. Instead it just made feel even more conflicted. 

What was I doing?! This Zanpakuto. This room. Seireitei. This world. These things were my reality. This was the place where I belonged. As a captain in the reconstructed Gotei 13, I had a duty. People depended on me. Decisions that I made could affect the lives of hundreds, if not thousands, of people. All of these things I knew so well yet… 

With a heavy sigh, I gave into the dark thought that had been plaguing me for years. I’ve come to realize that I just have to accept that not everyone is able to get their happy ending. 

I had to get myself together. Ichigo already saw me fall apart this morning and there was no way that Nii-Sama hadn’t sensed my erratic riatsu since returning to my room. But the others… I couldn’t let them know the truth. If I publically fell apart now I wouldn’t be able to bare the pitying glances I’d receive as a result. 

As if my thoughts were being read, a light knock at my door alerted me to Byakuya-Nii-Samas presence. “Come in,” I called as evenly as possible after standing up, putting my Zanpakuto back in its place and haphazardly wiping my face with a sleeve.  
Nii-Sama walked in slowly with his usual perfectly cool poker face. He glanced at me for a mere instant and then turned his attention to the picture of my sister that I kept on the small table across the room. Without saying a word, he walked over and picked up the picture in question carefully with the kind of reverence that you reserve for only your most valuable possessions. 

Watching the scene was both endearing and heartbreaking at the same time. Knowing that my sister was still so loved after all this time was awe-inspiring. Knowing that this sort of love what not what the future held for me was mildly depressing.

“I’m told that Ichigo Kurosaki broke in this morning.” My brother had a tendency to get hot headed when it came to Ichigo but this morning his words were nearly neutral. Clearly he was making the effort for my benefit.

“Yes.” My voice was still raw from crying but at least it was even.

“Yes. He…” I faltered for a moment but managed to only half lie. “He wanted to make sure that I was going to see him off.”

At those words he finally turned to me with looking incredulous. “Really?”

It was always hard to meet my brothers’ eyes but now, when he knew I was hiding something. And worse yet, when he was telling me that he knew I was lying to him, it was impossible. Instead, I found myself staring at my feet like a scolded child. “He did ask that,” I muttered stupidly.

The war with the Wandenreich had brought Nii-Sama and I a lot closer but still... Talking about my love life didn’t feel like the most appropriate of conversations. “Did he ask you to go back with him?”

My eyes shot up to Nii-Samas in a flash at the unexpected question. It wasn’t until then that I noticed the concern on his face and I saw how tightly he was holding my sisters picture. That was the first time that I truly realized that Byakuya didn’t want me to leave.

“N-No.” I answered softly. “And, for the record, I didn’t ask him to stay either.”

“You’re just going to let him leave?” His face didn’t betray him any longer as he spoke but I could hear disapproval in his voice.

My brain was going crazy. Never in my life did I think that Nii-Sama would approve of me caring for Ichigo like this. Now it seems like he was practically promoting the idea. Feeling defensive, I found myself quickly making excuses. “What am I supposed to do?! He doesn’t belong here. He has a life in the human world. He deserves to live in peace. His family and friends are there. Everyone Ichigo knows and loves is on earth. I can’t ask him to give that up!”

“Not everyone that Ichigo loves is there.” Byakuyas words were said as a statement of fact.”

“Nii-Sama…” His word surprised me but there was also a sense of comfort attached to knowing that my brother knew the truth as well. Ichigo loves me, of that I have no doubt. But I also knew all too well that sometimes just love isn’t enough. We all have our personal responsibilities as well.

We stood in silence for a while before my brother exhaled a sigh of defeat. Gently, he replaced the picture of his wife, my sister, and then headed towards the door. “Breakfast is almost ready. Don’t even try to be too stubborn to eat or I’ll tell Renji everything.” He closed the door to my room with those parting words, cutting off any nasty retort that I had for his blatant threat. 

Needless to say, I composed myself and ate breakfast with Byakuya-Nii-Sama.

 

That afternoon, I got dressed in my Captains robe, steadying myself for the moment that we all knew was coming. I found myself taking extra time to ensure that my hair looked decent and I made sure to cover all signs of the tears that had fallen in the last 24 hours. Although Ichigo and I had seen each other at our worst many times over, it would be nice if he could also remember me looking presentable as well.

I found myself gathered with the other Captains near the Senkaimon when Ichigo, Orihime, Chad and the others arrived. I listened as the Captain Commander gave his official thank you speech but, all too quickly, that was over and it was time to say goodbye.  
Orihime came straight to me and gave me a big hug. She made me promise to visit her soon and promised to make us a big meal to celebrate. Chad was next to come over. He also made me promise to visit but, all the while, his eyes bore into mine as if willing me to do something but I wasn’t sure what that something was. The only thing I could do was return his gaze with one of apology as I repeated my promise to visit.

Ichigo said all of his other goodbyes before he got to me but once he stood before me, we just looked at each other rather desperately. It was a moment so eerily similar to our last goodbye in the human world.

“Thank you for everything,” I managed to say finally, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” he answered automatically in the same way he’d responded to everyone elses words of thanks but his eyes still bore into mine so intently that I knew something else was coming.

“Make sure you come back.”

Those words were barely out when I felt Ichigos’ lips on mine. Shock. Love. Fear. Desire. Embarrassment. A million different emotions fought for dominance as he kissed me but in the end, I found myself returning the gesture. It was a rather short lived but that kiss rocked me to my very core. 

“I promise,” he said softly, meeting my eyes as he pulled away. Then, without another word, he stepped into the Senkaimon and was gone. The others were only a few steps behind them.

Only when he was gone did I realize that Ichigo Kurosaki had left me behind with every single member of the Gotei 13 staring at me in shock. That included Byakuya-Nii-Sama and Renji! I could feel the blush rush over my face like a fire.

Tender feelings quickly turned into shock, mortification and annoyance. The next time I we met, Ichigo was going to catch my full wrath!

 

To Be Continued


	3. Chapter 3

If I could have disappeared, I would have. Although the door to the Senkaimon had long since vanished, I couldn’t tear my eyes from the spot where Ichigo had been. My emotions were a mess. On one hand, that kiss had erased any lingering doubts I may have had about Ichigos feelings for me. One the other hand, I was furious and flustered. We’d been alone all morning. If he’d wanted to kiss me then surely earlier had been the better option. Why now? Why in front of everyone?!

I sensed Renji walking towards me before I saw him stop alongside me. “Does this mean we can all stop pretending that you aren’t crazy in love with Ichigo?”

“Renji…” I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel guilty. Although we never openly spoke about it, I knew how Renji felt about me. Unfortunately, I didn’t know the truth until way too late. At that point I’d already met Ichigo and, as they say, the rest is history. However, Renji was still my oldest friend, partner-in-crime, and closest confidant. “I-“

“Don’t worry about it.” His words stopped me before I could apologize. Speaking softly enough to ensure that we weren’t overheard, he continued. “It’s okay. I came to terms with the reality of the situation a long time ago.”

Finally, I looked over at the handsome tattooed man next to me and found him looking down at me. Our eyes met and he flashed me a mischievous grin. “You know, you should just be glad that I like Ichigo. If I didn’t, he’d already be dead.”

It was obvious that Renji was trying to lighten the mood and for that I was grateful. Pushing aside all the emotions racing through my mind, I took his bait and scoffed. “You already tried that, remember? More than once.”

“Ah! I guess you’re right.” This banter continued for a while until we were both laughing loudly.

By the time we both turned around, the other members of the Gotei 13 had left with the exception of Nii-Sama who was standing just out of earshot. When he saw that we were done talking, he walked over to join us.

“Shall I follow him and teach him a lesson?” Byakuya-Nii-Sama asked the question completely deadpan. It was only thanks to years of experience that I could see the glimmer of amusement in his eyes. 

“No, Thank you.” I answered with what I hoped was an evil grin. “Next time I meet Ichigo, I promise to teach him a lesson of my own.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Will that lesson be called ‘returning the favor’?” Renji spat out playfully, laughing loudly. Even Nii-Sama smirked at that one. 

In a flash, I felt my face burning once more.

 

The next few weeks passed in a blur. With Ichigo and the others focused on finishing high school, I decided to put my full efforts into training the new recruits to my division. From sun up to sundown, I was with the men and women under my watch. After a month, we were really able to start seeing some results. 

Throwing myself into my work helped me to keep my mind off of Ichigo during the day but, at night, when I was home, I allowed my mind to wander to the orange haired man who’d changed my world. Whether it was looking out my window or sitting out on the porch, I’d always find myself looking up at the sky and wondering what he might be doing or what he might be thinking.

 

It was about six weeks after our last goodbye and I was sitting out on the porch, as per my nightly ritual, when a black cat appeared. She walked up to me like she owned the place and I instantly know who she was.

“It’s a little late to be strolling around as a cat, don’t you think, Yoruichi-San?” Without waiting for a reply, I hurried into my room to fetch a robe for my new guest. When I returned, she transformed back and took the robe with a smile.

“Old habits die hard. I used to come here as a cat all the time, just to annoy Byakuya-Boy,” she grinned impishly to me. “But I also figure that it would be easier to find you if I snuck in as a cat. If I showed up normally then there would be way too much commotion.”

“True.” I found myself agreeing with her but truthfully this whole situation was a little odd. Yoruichi-San and I had never had much personal interaction. She was close with Nii-Sama and with everyone in the human world but, surprisingly, our paths rarely crossed. The fact that she had come to seek me out on her own meant that she had something important to say. 

“You should go see Ichigo.” She stated the words so boldly that I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

“Huh?” I knew I probably had an expression of completely confusion on my face but it couldn't be helped.

“Seriously. You should go see Ichigo,” she repeated. “He looks just a pathetic as you do.”

I felt my jaw drop. Pathetic?! I started to form some kind of protest or denial of her insinuation but one look at her knowing grin told me that those words would just fall on deaf ears. “I-I don’t want to be a bother to him,” I managed to mutter when all other words failed me.

“No. You’re afraid.” I was quickly learning that Yoruichi was nothing if not direct. I could see how she could easily rub Nii-Sama the wrong way. “You are both so stubborn that I want to scream. I tried telling Kisuke to just kidnap you but he just went on and on about how he didn’t think he could fight off Byakuya, Isshin and Ichigo if he got caught.”

I had a stifle a laugh at the mental image that scenario brought, even if it was ridiculous. “At this point, I think that Nii-Sama would’ve helped him.” Those traitorous words escaped my lips before I even realized what I was saying and Yoruichi let out a hoot of laughter. 

“Like I said, you’re both being pathetic. The worst part is that you both know it!” Although I respected Yoruichi greatly, getting laughed at was getting irritating really quickly. 

I could feel my blood pressure rising as the conversation continued. Feeling defensive, I snapped sharply. “I can’t just leave. I have responsibilities!”

Instantly her laughing stopped and, as if she had been waiting for just this moment. Stepping forward, the dark skinned woman shoved a piece of folded paper into my hand. Upon closer inspection, I saw that the paper was a note addressed to me and it had the Captain Commanders’ seal. Knowing I had no other choice but to read it, I sighed and opened it.

 

Rukia,

Go visit the Human World for 2 weeks. Make sure that Ichigo isn’t slacking off on his duties. Report back to me when you return. 

Captain Commander Shunsui

PS – You have a Vice Captain for a reason. Now you have no more excuses. (^_~)

 

I reread that handwritten note about a dozen times before it really sunk it. Was all of Seireitei seriously going to get involved in this?! Where there no other pressing matters to be dealt with?! But, regardless of the answers, I now had orders to go. With a defeated sigh, I folded up the note and stuck it in my pocket.

“Alright. You win. When do we leave?”

 

I stood at the front gate of the school feeling flustered. Somehow Urahara had managed to sweet talk me into my gigai and into my old school uniform. He’d tried to convince me that meeting at school was going to be less awkward. When that idea failed, he managed to convince me that it was best to go see Ichigo right away before I lost my nerve. That meant going to school.

Why did I agree to this?! I’d been asking myself the same question all morning. Finally I accepted my fate and headed towards the classroom where I knew the man in question would be. Classes hadn’t started yet so showing up unannounced shouldn’t be too big of a deal.

I got to the door and peaked inside. Within seconds I found my friends. Ichigo, Orihime and Chad were all sitting together at their desks in the back of the room obviously studying. I quickly realized that I’d been right. I shouldn’t have come. I was only going to be in the way. Forgetting my earlier promises to make contact now, I turned to leave but was stopped by a familiar voice. 

“Kuchiki-san?!” That voice belonged to Mizuiro-kun. Seeing as he knew the truth about everything, his surprised tone was completely justified. “What are you doing here?”

I spun around quickly, not even bothering to acknowledge his question. My eyes went straight to the tables where Ichigo and the others sat. They’d all looked up at Mizuiro-kuns outburst and our eyes met. That began a long moment of awkward silence where they tried to process the fact that I was there and I tried my best to fight the urge to run away.

It was Orihime who finally broke the silence. With a big smile on her face, she put her books aside, stood from her chair and faced me rather formally. “Welcome Home, Kuchiki-san.”

 

To Be Continued


End file.
